Suffering Is A Choice. So Is Change.

I had another revelation this week.

In the midst of a situation or circumstance that I’ve been experiencing as stressful and not ideal, a simple thought dawned on me: How can I make this the best experience?

Immediately it changed everything for me because it entirely shifted my perspective. Rather than being tainted by the misery of my ego, I started viewing everything from the openness of my heart. What would make this moment better? How can I make this the best experience? And my answer to that was to enjoy it. Because there was a time when I did enjoy being exactly where I was, the only difference was the emotions that were filtering my perspective on the situation. It brings to mind one of my favourite quotes by Ram Dass: “You can do it like it’s a great weight on you, or you can do it like it’s part of the dance.” Once you realize the role you play in your own suffering, you either consciously continue to make yourself suffer or you consciously decide to put an end to that suffering. I decided to put an end to my suffering. I’ve chosen the other route many times out of a stubborn ego who can’t let things go and I know how that story ends. You get to choose the script of your life, and I’ll tell you, I’m tired of that old narrative.

I’ve been passing through another loop on the spiral of really understanding something— that what you put into something is what you get out of it. When you’re doing anything with a negative emotional charge, like angrily cleaning the kitchen or working out because you hate your body, those negative emotions become the foundation towards what you’re building. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself. You can’t hate other people into changing. If you build a house with shoddy, crumbly bricks, you can’t expect it to be a solid structure. Your output is your input multiplied.

There’s a big difference between fighting against something and working towards something. Like Socrates said: “The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Whatever you choose to focus on, wherever you direct your energy, is going to grow and magnify that thing. It becomes the difference of magnifying the problem and making it bigger, thus feeling like you have to fight it even harder, or magnifying the solution and seeing new opportunities emerge. Like a microscope, whatever you’re zooming in on is a choice to let the rest fall away from view. The trap is that when you no longer see something, when it’s no longer in your awareness, you begin to forget that it exists and whatever you’re focused on becomes your sole reality.

I’m passing on the reminder that I was given that the way you’ve been doing something isn’t the only way; the way you’ve been seeing something isn’t the only perspective. You needn’t suffer any longer.