Down But Never Out
Ironically, shortly after I wrote my blog post Navigating Change, life threw me a huge curveball and I went through a lot of unexpected changes. It makes me wonder if life was trying to give me a heads up, though there was nothing that could prepare me for what ensued.
I shut down my website and took time away from social media (that was a detox that was long overdue) so that I could heal. Socializing was the last thing I wanted to do. To be honest, I thoroughly enjoyed my time away from the world and was dreading to come back, but I knew it had to be done. I had been here before, completely withdrawn in solitude. As an introvert and empath, I’ve always enjoyed being in my own company and being alone. It’s necessary at times. The only way to hear certain truths is to be separate from other people’s energy. Over and over I find myself retreating into my cocoon and reemerging as someone entirely different.
It’s easy to give up in the face of adversity, and I don’t blame anyone for that. Sometimes it’s the only option. I’ve gone through my fair share of throwing in the towel. But I’m also stubborn as all hell and refuse to give up. Many, many years ago when I first read On The Road by Jack Kerouac, part of a quote stuck with me that always rings in my mind when I feel all hope is lost and want to give up: “I promise I shall never give up, and that I'll die yelling and laughing…” Rather than giving up, I’ve learned to rest where I am. For as long as it takes, I’ll stay on the floor where life knocked me down until I can get up again.
About six years ago, I promised myself I would play the long game. I wouldn’t try to rush ahead, become impatient when things go wrong, and give up out of frustration (that was a hard thing to learn and I’m still learning it). If you broke your leg, you wouldn’t try to run a marathon the next day. You’d rest so your body could heal, do physical therapy, and ease yourself back into exercising. When life knocks me down, I cry and complain and feel all the feelings— and once I get it out of my system, I start to build myself up again. I used care about finishing first; now what’s important to me is finishing. It doesn’t matter to me if it takes me a month or five years, I’m determined to accomplish the goals I’ve set for myself. And I’ve learned that without life’s setbacks, we wouldn’t be as strong as we are. Without the resistance of being pushed back, we wouldn’t have the strength or insights to continue climbing our mountain. I try to remember that when life knocks me down, it’s because it’s preparing me for where I want to go.